Oscar, Talk to the Hand!

Let's cut to the chase: Oscar 2008.
Best Pix
1.Atonements . During this film i sat next to a large man who smelled of hair tonic and lard. Horrid night at the multi-plex! Needless to say, I could not follow this movie whatsoever, although it's good to see Winona Ryder back on the big screen since her ill-fated shoplifting fiasco. And that little tattle-tale munchkin, oh I couldn't stand that one and had a nightmare that she was beating my neck with an oak branch! Merchant and Keenan Ivory need to step up thy game, a little FUN wouldn't hurt you stiff upper lippers. Meg Ryan would have worked miracles in this.

2. Junebug. I thought this came out last year, oh what have you! Terrible terrible hateful picture, a boy runs around in tacky running shorts, a girl with a sassy mouth, and the father is played by John Malkovitch and he's terribly miscast. there are some ADORABLE puppies towards the end, though, that redeem it for a moment. Boo!

3. No Country for the Old Man. Is that James Brolin's son? I couldn't stop thinking that this cutie's step-momma is BABS STRIESAND! Oh, and I walked out once the first bullet was fired. What a mess!

4. There Will Be Blood I hate, hate, hated it! The title , anyway. Why would I want to see a movie with that title? Why?

5. Michael Clayburg George Clooney, do us all a favor: stop yapping and take off your clothes!
Or at least put the batsuit on for another go round. This movie was nothing but blah de blah de blah for two hours. Poopooooooooooooooooo!

JOAN'S CHOICE Best Pic: RV Robin "Flubber" Williams can do no wrong!
Toodles, Poodles.

Leave my Golden Girls alone, Mr. Sandler!

Oh, pets, sometimes Hollywood gets it so wrong wrong wrong! This one's been circling the rumor mill like a hamster on a habitrail wheel. Brace thyselves: a movie version of my all time favey tv program The Golden Girls is in the pipeline! When I first heard this my heart filled with creme frosting and i already started casting Lili Tomlin , Meryl Streep, and Ruth Buzzi in the roles. How far my jaw dropped when i heard the real details: Adam Sandler will produce the film, casting ALL MALE ACTORS in the lead roles!!! I repeat: MEN IN DRAG! I just threw up in my mouth.
Dressed as our elderly icons!!! Oh, I kid you not, and it will be Ray Romano from"That's What I Love About Raymond" in the Rue McHalahan role. And that big lunk who plays Ray's brother (who reminds me of the big lunk from the Milton the Munster family series from the 60's) will don a wig to play our beloved Bea Arther role! And this one is just plain blasphemy: Don Rickles or Larry King as the granny!!! Leave this one alone, Mr. Sandler! I beg you! Join me in a boycott, pets. Do not rent any more of his films, and burn all copies of Happy Masterson, Little Big Boy, and the one about the monkey-man prostitute. Please!!! word out, homegirls.

NEAR PERFECTION: ALVIN AND THE SQUIRRELS!

The years top flick in my humble opine is, you guessed it, Alvin and the Squirrels! What a joy! Flawless CG. Fave quote: Alvin to Dave:"My bad!" LOL. One complainteroo: Jason Bateman was terribly miscast, oh i kept thinking of that trashy, unfunny louse he plays on that "Here's Earl" tv program. Double Ugg!
Belated Xmas wish list: Jim Belushi re-cast as Dave, the squirrels owner, for the sequel! This top comic has been ignored for far too long. Wish the Second: CG the humans too! Look what they did with Beowolf for goodness tickles!!! Can i only dream of a motion capture Jim Belushi? Wish the Third (snick): Tim Allen for the sequel. He could play Jim Belushi's cousin, something, ANYTHING! A fourth squirrel? Anyhootch (as in Turner and Hootch—remake it now BTW!), Thus ends my wishes. anyone listening? Mr Zemekis? Toodles, Pocket Pets!

CATHY. THE MOVIE. I SAID PLEASE!

Well, Pocket Pets, the time is now for all of us diehard Cathy the comic strip fans to demand(!) a CG movie version of our favorite funnies femme. Is it fair that they've CG'd Garfield the lasagna loving cat (no complaints, a top ten fave of mine) and no Cathy? Well, rumours have been circling like buzzards around Joanie's ears and the one that gets the most airtime: Sex in the city's very own Sarah Jessica Parker has flickering green lights in her eyes to do a—brace yourselves—motion capture version of Cathy (sigh of relief followed by cheers!). And I already know what your'e thinking, Sarah Jess has a huge (but darling) shnozz and our dear comix character Cathy has no nose to speak of. Hello masters of CG technology? Has no one seen the masterwork Beowolf? That little problemo can be solved with one click of the mouse! (sidebar:I dated a techno geek years ago and should have held tight to his awkward angular frame, i'd probably be rolling in dough! ) Let's hope and pray Zemekis is attatched to said rumored proj. Hoorahs for Cathy! YGG (you go girl!).